“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18 (Context: Psalm 34)
“I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:8-11 (Context: Psalm 16)
I am very much still brokenhearted over the loss that I have experienced this past year. My stepfather Ray recently passed away from a glioblastoma brain tumor. After losing my Dad in 2004 to leukemia, I couldn’t imagine my mom having to lose another husband, me losing another father, my children losing a grandfather. I didn’t want to be someone who cried out to God, “WHY?! He is too young, this is too much, I don’t want this…” But I was shaken, and I did.
God used Ray to speak to my heart. Despite his prognosis, Ray’s faith was unshaken. I was blown away by how he spent his final year here on Earth; traveling, engaging with everyone he encountered in intentional and deep conversations about his faith, and experiencing what he loved in this world surrounded by the people he loved. Every day Ray soaked-in God’s word, despite the aphasia making it difficult to read. He woke each morning with joy, despite the restless and painful nights. He used every ounce of his remaining strength to go boating, cook fabulous meals, spoil his grandchildren and watch sports!
Sean and I were asked to sing at Ray’s funeral and, besides being completely overwhelmed, I was deeply humbled. At some point during the last year, God gave me a song by Sandra McCracken called ‘Sweet Comfort.’ I was struck by the lyrics, which illustrated Ray’s perspective. To me the words were like the prayer of Ray’s heart. Here is a lyric from the song:
This bitter cup, I take it;My fainting heart restored.So here I stand, unshaken;I trust upon the Lord.
Although my body was literally shaking in nervousness right before singing in front of a very large crowd that came to celebrate the life of and mourn the loss of Ray, God gave me an indescribable wave of peace the moment we began to sing. I knew that God wanted the song to be shared and I was beyond honored to be used by God in that moment to “comfort those who mourn.”
Watching how Ray, and also my dear friends Ralph Coryell and Bev Handley, all lived when faced with their own mortality was both beautiful and inspiring. It has motivated me to reflect on my own faith. It has challenged me to be intentional in how I spend each day of my life. It has given me a renewed perspective, which is helping me to focus on and revel in what is important in my day-to-day life. “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
Although I am still heartbroken, I am thankful that Ray, Ralph, and Bev are with their Savior in heaven, free of pain. I am thankful that every Sunday during the Prayers of the People, I can picture Ralph, Bev, Ray, and my Dad, together with God, healed and whole.
Caline McDermott
Caline joined Servants in 2012. She serves on the worship team, often helps lead The Share, a weekly women’s Bible study, and is a part of her community group’s outreach to Grace Marketplace each month.